Friends for a Reason, a Season, or Life

I often find myself reflecting back on friends I’ve had the privilege of knowing at various stages of my life. Over the years, I have lived in 3 states, attended at least 7 schools, and served in 5 churches. I’ve met and developed friendships with countless wonderful people, people whom I deeply love and whom were vital to my survival and success. It saddens me that I have been unable to maintain contact and connection with a good number of them over the years.

Life stage, personal development, and geographic realities might cause communication and connection to ebb and flow, and possibly even end altogether. But does that indicate the end of the friendship?

Friendship seems so much simpler when you’re young. When I was about seven years old, my best friend’s name was Kyle. I’m not sure how our friendship started, but I’m fairly certain it had a lot to do with the fact that we were the same age, lived in the same neighborhood, and attended the same school and were in the same classroom. Kyle and I were inseparable.

In our minds, Kyle and I had been friends forever and would always be the best of friends. We actually discussed it one day as we rode our bikes around the neighborhood (Pretty deep conversation for first graders). In truth, we were only friends for a little over a year before my family moved, making it impossible to maintain our close connection. But, for a first grader, a year is a really long time, and every friendship seems like it has and will last forever.

I recently heard a podcast about friendship. One of the hosts shared that we have “Friends for a Reason, Friends for a Season, and Friends for life.” He describes “Friends for a Reason” as friendships we have because we are coworkers or classmates, we volunteer on the same board or serve on a shared project together, our kids play on the same team, etc. “Friends for a Season” he defines as friendships developed by virtue of attending the same school or church, living in the same neighborhood, etc. And, he notes that “friends for life” are self-explanatory and that we have very few of them.

While I find his designations helpful for understanding the functional and developmental nature of friendship, I disagree with the notion that friendships ever truly end. Life stage, personal development, and geographic realities might cause communication and connection to ebb and flow, and possibly even end altogether. But does that indicate the end of the friendship? While some might say yes, I would say absolutely not! I have had zero contact with my first grade friend for over 35 years, but I cherish our friendship and still consider him my friend. The same goes for the vast number of people with whom I’ve played, learned, served, struggled, and succeeded through the years. They were and remain my friends.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “A friend loves at all times…” And, I would add, that a friend loves for all time.

In the early 90’s, Christian recording artist, Michael W. Smith, wrote a song called Friends. He wrote the song as a farewell to a friend with whom he had worked, attended church, and shared the same neighborhood. The chorus states,

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
‘Cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends

Today, I find myself reflecting on the wealth of friends that have been and remain a part of my life, even if it’s only in my heart and memory. Sure, I am saddened by the time and distance that separates me from far too many for far too long, but mostly I am grateful and blessed that the connection and comradery existed at all. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “A friend loves at all times…” And, I would add, that a friend loves for all time. We may have friends for a season, friends for a reason, but may we hold all of our friends dear for life and cherish them as the gift from God they are.