Just over a week ago, my nuclear family traveled to Puerto Rico to join with our family of faith for the Biennial Mission Summit of our denomination, the American Baptist Churches USA. It was an incredibly busy weekend of listening to reports from our missionaries and agencies, celebrating shared successes, recognizing areas that require improvement, and engaging in discussions to discern direction as we move into the future.
Attending events like this are a mixed bag. At points I was encouraged, energized, and excited to be part of such a wonderfully diverse body of believers. At other points, I was frustrated and even offended by arguments and accusations that resulted from deep divides within our denomination. While we make every effort to find middle ground, some differences exist that can only be categorized as irreconcilable. At such a large gathering, the discourse inevitably and necessarily drifts into those uncomfortable areas where differences take center stage.
I confess, there were moments when I wondered if it was worth it. I found myself in many conversations with people who shared my concerns and frustrations. Some suggested that our differences are so significant that perhaps it is time to divide and go our own directions. Others suggested we ignore the issues and avoid addressing differences that might lead to contentious conversations. I believe both courses of action are unhelpful and result in an unhealthy dismissal of people and perspectives that are different.
if we can’t learn to agree to disagree with grace, our differences will ultimately lead to divorce.
The experience brought to mind the complexities of marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it is also incredibly nuanced and difficult. Marriage requires healthy forms of compromise and a willingness to engage in conversations with humility and grace that allows all parties space to be heard and to hear. It’s a relationship that requires us to learn to live in the tension of differences of opinion and conviction for the good of the family and the glory of the God that gave us to each other. Make no mistake, I’m not suggesting we surrender our convictions. But, if we can’t learn to agree to disagree with grace, our differences will ultimately lead to divorce.
Colossians 3:12-14 reads,
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
These verses continue to ring in my heart and mind. I believe they are applicable to the relationships within our denomination, but also to our relationships in our day-to-day existence.
While differences may be irreconcilable, people and relationships should not be disposable.
The Apostle Paul encourages us to clothe ourselves (to be covered with) compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. These characteristics should be what people experience when they interact with us. But, it’s the next line that rings the loudest. Paul challenges us to “bear with each other and forgive one another.” As followers of Jesus, we are called to graciously bear the load required to maintain a loving relationship with others, particularly within the family of faith. Doing so will require all of the qualities mentioned before along with no small measure of love. When we do, we find unity within our own spirit, but we also find the strength to be united with others, even with those with whom we disagree.
The trend in our world, in relationships of all kinds, is to seek full agreement in all areas. When we fail to find agreeable middle ground, we are quick to divorce ourselves from those who are different or hold opposing perspectives. But, we are better together; We need each other. While differences may be irreconcilable, people and relationships should not be disposable. We must find a way to productively work through and in our differences without dismissing and dividing from one another. We must find the grace to be different yet undivided.
