There are many things professors attempted to teach me throughout my years in academia that have long been forgotten. Honestly, I’ve probably forgotten about as much as I’ve remembered. There were, however, several nuggets of wisdom offered that were immediately imbedded deep in my mind. One such piece of advice was offered during my junior year at Appalachian Bible College. The professor said, “If you want to influence your church, get close to the little old ladies. That’s where the real power lies.” The point he was actually making had more to do with influence through longevity than immediate leadership, but that statement has been a guiding principle for me throughout my years in ministry.
From my earliest days in ministry, I made a very intentional effort to build relationships with not only the “little old ladies” of the church, but also the older men. I realized that if I wanted to lead in the church it was very important that I knew them and that they knew me. I made intentional efforts to speak to the senior adults in the church at worship gatherings on Sundays and Wednesdays. I attended the monthly senior adult gatherings and events as often as possible. I went and hung out with the groups that worked in the kitchen for Wednesday evening meals or came in to fix broken things in the church (or sit and drink coffee, as the case may be). Through all of these interactions I learned a new lesson, not only were these folks a source of influence in the church, they were really good people whom I enjoyed being around! They were fun-loving people who wanted to be known, wanted, appreciated, and engaged.
At the same time, my primary responsibilities in most of these churches involved youth and young adults. I had always wanted to be a Youth Pastor, and I found great joy and satisfaction working with young people and the leaders that invested in them. What they lacked in experience and understanding, they made up for with energy and enthusiasm. I spent the vast majority of my time with this age group through various worship experiences, Bible studies in the community and in the church, mission trips, and a wide assortment of events and activities. Through my interactions with them I learned that youth don’t simply want to be entertained by the church. They want to be engaged and invested. Sure, they want to have a good time, but they also want to do something that matters.
One night as I was playing a card game with some senior adults, the obvious truth hit me in the face. The senior adults and youth I was working with wanted the exact same things! They both wanted a place and a purpose in the community of faith. Often, the church, and the world at large, presents these two groups as being at odds with one another. We talk about generation gaps and cultural barriers, which clearly exist, as if they are unbridgeable divides. But, as I considered my own interactions with both groups, I began to wonder if the divide was more of a crack than a chasm. It appeared to me that they were more alike than different. Perhaps the division was not because of any fundamental differences, but because we had failed to create opportunities for them to discover similarities through shared experiences.
I spoke with a senior adult who served on my youth ministry team, and we came up with a plan. We would host a game night involving her Sunday School class and the youth group. We would provide food and bring some games for the groups to play together and see what happened. We called it “The Youth/Senior Adult Epic Event.” We promoted it in our weekly meetings for a month and hoped people would show up. (We may or may not have engaged in a tiny amount of arm twisting and begging as well.)
I was beyond nervous on the night of the event. If this went poorly it could adversely impact my relationship with one or both groups. I needed this to be a win. As the groups came in the mingled in small pockets around the room, divided by age. For the first game we divided into two teams with even numbers of youth and senior adults and let the games begin. The first game was a race using Bible verses. In no time at all, the teams rallied together and began cheering for their representatives and against the opposition. Young and old came together with common purpose and passion. We played several games that night. The room was filled with laughter, conversation, and mutual respect. About 20 senior adults and 20 youth began a journey together on that night. More importantly, they developed relationships that would fundamentally change the way I viewed ministry and the church.
It all started with a simple thought. I enjoyed spending time with the senior adults, and I enjoyed spending time with the youth. Perhaps, they might enjoy spending time together. Both age groups were present and participating in the local church. Perhaps all we needed to do was create the space in which experiences could be shared and relationships could be formed. Isn’t that often the case, though? The first step in creating connections between people is simply getting them in the room. Sometimes the most obvious truths provide the biggest inspirations.
